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ANSWERS TO YOUR SATANIC QUERIES

Is selling your soul an UnAmerican thing to do?

 
Quite the contrary. Think about it... Satan is older than the United States, in fact he's as old as the world and all he wants to do is make everybody happy.
 
You might say joining forces with the Dark Lord is...SuperPatriotic!  

What are acceptable forms of glandular fluids?

 
Fluid from any of the accessible glands, but not including tears and sweat.  
 

Is SellYourSouls.Com a publicly traded company?

 
Satan is currently evaluating investor interest in an IPO.  

Do you have a soulback guarantee?

 
No.  

Can I get a refund?

 
No. You can't expect to get everything for nothing.  

You're only seconds away from having it all!
 
 

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